Cupboards of my soul

We had an amazing stager come to help us with our house. She is the daughter of a friend of mine and has just finished her two year programme for home staging and window design. We were her first clients and I have to say she was great. Her ideas were very helpful, but she was also able to work around the beautiful craziness that is our family. She even figure out how to make sure every kid still has a set of drawers and a bed but the two bedrooms don't look like an over crowed kids furniture store.

So now our house looks perfect. If anyone walks into our house they will think, "Wow, these people have it all together, they must have a perfect life." Well that is the idea really.

But if they looked into the cupboards they would see the real story. The mess is just hiding. It all looks prefect but the dirty laundry, unwashed dishes and garbage are there under the surface.

And I know that my soul is looking about the same. On the surface I look pretty good. I go to mass every week, some times more. I have religious art in my home, and a rosary dangling form my rear view mirror. I even know where to find a bible in my home. But honestly I am full of "mess and clutter" I keep my jealousy, and judgement like bits of ugly china that I can get ride of. I have doubt and a lack of faith growing like that mould that keeps coming back in the corner of the windows. And my desire to keep control in my hands and not God's is what keeps it all stuffed in the cupboard nicely locked away so I never have to show it to anyone or admitted that I am not as perfect as I want others to think that I am.

In the end I know that I am all right, not because I am prefect or in control. But because I am flawed and out of control and God is loving and merciful.